o_O

sort things out.

will that help?

i'm just a kid.. but life isn't a nightmare.. because she's there.. but in a way, i feel that i am alone in this world.. maybe life is fair.. and i am not.
i do lock myself in a room, with the radio on turned up so loud you can't hear yourself think.. coz i don't want anybody to hear me scream.. to see how weak i am.. i feel lost. i feel left out in the dark. i am on the edge of breaking down, is there anyone who can save me? do you know what this is like? you wouldn't like my life..
yeah, i can ever be perfect.. perfection does not exist in the world that i see.. i'm losing it all.. nothing lasts forever.
i am addicted to her.. and i want it, i need her.. i'm addicted to her..
i'd do anything just to hold her in my arms.. 0301191925. i'll hold on to you.. and i do believe.

t.ng.n.n.m.n.. ako si mojo jojo. i am bad.. i am evil. i am selfish. i am wrong. but i am not a suicidal freak.. i am not a coward. haha..

how many stupid times have i used the word 'I'? see how selfish i am? how much i think of myself.. what I want, what I need, what I think.. selfish. selfish. selfish.

okay.. that helped..

PROBLEM#1:: i am selfish. i usually close my doors to some things that just don't work out for me. maybe the world is trying to befriend me, but i just don't want to try out novelty for myself. masyado akong nasstuck sa nakasanayan ko.. i'll never survive this way. i need to be a more open.minded person.. put myself in other people's shoes.. maybe i am the problem.. and i am trying to blame others for it.. though i know that I am wrong.

PROBLEM#2:: i am not so patient. that's why i jump to conclusions without seeing everything.. i need to set my own views aside sometimes..

PROBLEM#3:: di ako magaling magprioritize, and i break my own schedule.. and ruin everything for myself.. then krishna just goes blaming a part of the world for it.. tsk tsk.. iresponsableng bata.

PROBLEM#4:: may migrane yata ako.

PROBLEM#5:: i lack self.discipline and respect. i need to train myself more. kailangan kong icontrol ang sarili ko from being "the world's greatest vandalizer" (as andy would call me..) all over again. i wrote on 3 tables last friday.. nung algeb, geom at bio. haay.. i thought i got over that.. ilang buwan ko na ring nirerespeto ang mga pasilidad at kagamitan sa pisay..

PROBLEM#6:: bangag ako. i refuse to search deep.. perhaps i am a coward (but still not suicidal) perhaps i'm simply afraid to find something that i'm quite not ready to discover.. na ayokong ma.contrdict ang mga bagay na nasa ayos na para sa kin.. haha.. malabo ba? di naman kailangang maintindihan to eh.

PROBLEM#7:: i don't know. (wahahahaha..)

dude..

nung sinabi ko sa yo na 'hindi ko alam kung ano yung problem ko'.. hindi ko talaga alam.. di ko alam specifically what was that thing that was pulling me down.. sasabihin ko naman kung alam ko eh.. i wouldn't want you to worry about what was up with me.. or in that case, down.. (haha..) nakita ko yun sa reaction ng mukha mo.. waw.. sorry talaga dude.. sorry. sorry. sorry. di mo naman ako kailangang isipin eh.. don't worry about me.. ganito lang talaga siguro ako.. bangag. magulo. malabo.

thank you na rin..

i love you.

my hopes, plans and dreams.. slowly being shattered.. or siguro masyado lang na na.sslow down..

my love of music.. my beloved guitar.. potek.. ayoko ng isipin kung gaano ako kabano sa pag.gigitara ngayon.. matagal ko na shang nilalaro.laro lang.. last na tumugtog talaga ako.. (with people watching and all..) was last.. err.. ewan.. first quarter pa yun..

tapos.. gusto kong maging mas active. ako ay nabbore sa mga ginagawa ko.. wala naman yata akong ginagawa eh. haha.. i don't want to stay in a corner to rot and die. i can do better.

marami na kong tinalikuran. bangag ako. my writings.. the archive of the art that i see.. marami sila.. and i left myself.

potek..

bangag nga ako.

not to mention stupid.

need to put myself back together.

and these are some of my weaknesses.. some things that i wouldn't want the world to see.. but why hide reality?

kailangan ko ng outlet..

i belive in you.. i'd give up everything just to find you. i have to be with you to live, to breathe.. you're taking over me.

0301191925.. i love you. you keep me going.. haha.. i'd hate second year kung wala ka.. you make everything worth the pressure.. the pain..

i can't find the words to say.. nabblanko na yata ako..

haha.. pinapagalitan na ko.. umalis na daw ako sa harap ng comp.

aww.. poor me.. i pretty much didn't sort things out well.. haha..

i'm going numb.

i'm just a kid.. but life isn't a nightmare.

-+reish.112004.