poor kid *tsk tsk*

haha..



i feel like a total loser.

haha..

scream at me, you're so far away..
i wont be broken again,
i've got to breathe,
i cant keep going under..

need.. change.. need.. discipline..

and i am wasting my time.

again.

haha.

wasting my time saying that im wasting my time wasting my time..

haha..

what a waste..

throw me out the window..

di ako marunong magprioritize..

or siguro di lang talaga ao sumusunod ng maayos sa schedule ko..

waw..

may schedule pala ako..

haha..

*seryoso, gumagawa ako ng sked.. di lang laging nasusunod. :-P

haha..

hahahaha..

nakakabangag ang ganito..

ako ang dakilang crammer.

woohoo..

but according to someone..

'ok lang yan.. magaling ka naman magcram eh.. at least nahahabol mo yung deadline..'

shucks..

talentado pala ako sa pagkacram..

i should be thankful for this talent.

haha..

onga no.. waw.. pwede na kayang pagkakitaan to?

haha..

cge.. til here..

*gotta cram.*

ako'y isang bangag, sa puso't diwa..

-+reish.112904.

ang awit ng langgam. 3

eto na.

*potek pangatlo na to.. rarrr.. blogger.. haha..*

ang awit ng langgam version3.

wala lang..

masaya kasing kumanta.. maganda man o hindi ang boses mo.. di ba? naglalabas ng negative (or kahit positive) energy.. tapos nasasabi mo indirectly ang mga gusto mong sabihin through the lyrics.. though hindi yun lagi ang kaso..

at nasa tono at bilis naman ang emotions.

at ang langgam.. pag kumakanta.. naririnig nyo ba?

haha.. hahahahaha..

nakakabangag..

anyway.. hindi yun ang laman ng previous versions ng 'ang awit ng langgam'.

hindi ko nga lang maintindihan kung bakit gumawa pa ko ng version3, eh parang hindi naman gusto ng blogger na ipost.. haha..

anyway..

eto.

naisip ko lang..

i wouldnt change in just a glimpse.

feelings cant disappear that fast.

and i feel

that nothing has really changed.

its just a matter of shutting up and keeping all those things inside. keep quiet.. but it's still there.

and that's the case on my side.

haha..

i dont know what i want..

pero naisip ko rin..

i will always be here for her.. no matter what happens.

it wouldnt matter that much if things would still be the same or not,

or if she'll be there dor me, too.. or not..

ok lang.

what matters to me is that i'll always be here for her.. and never leave her side.

hindi naman kasi 'sana nandito ka.' kundi 'nanjan lang ako..'

and its not 'please love me' but 'i love you'..

di ba?

haha.. natatawa ako..

ang mushy..

pero ok lang..

wala akong maisip na ibang terms.. haha..

so many things left unsaid..

tsk.. masyado akong tahimik.. kung kelan dapat magsalita..

pero pano ka magsasalita kung di mo alam kung saan magsisimula.? at pag nakapagsimula ka na, alam mo ba kung ano ang susunod na sasabihin mo?

tsk..

haha..

bottled up inside..

tsk..

tatawa ulit ako.. hahahahaha..

but one good part is that we're friends.. good friends. :D

eto na ang kantahan blues ng langgam.

*di ko maalala lahat ng mga nilagay kong songs last time..*

mukha na kong tanga.. pero okey lang.. ito'y isang pagkakamali, ngunit di ko nais pang itama..

do you know that everytime you're near,
everybody else seems far away..
so can you come and make them disappear?

and i dont want the world to see me,
cause i dont think that they'd understand..
when everything's made to be broken..

shall we go out later?
some time for strangers..

ako'y isang malungkot na bata,
palakad.lakad lang,
wala rin namang mapupuntahan..

hope
it dangles on a string..

all the things she said, all the things she said..
running through my head..

and im all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed
they say its my fault,
but i want her so much..

when they stop and stare, dont worry me..
coz im feeling for her what she's feeling for me
i can try to pretend, i can try to forget
but it's driving me mad, going out of my head..

mother looking at me, tell me, what do you see?
yes, i've lost my mind..
daddy looking at me, will i ever be free?
have i crossed the line?

i am human and i need to be loved,
just like everybody else does..

when you are with me,
im free.. im careless, i believe.
above all the others we'll fly..
this brings tears to my eyes, my sacrifice..

bitbit ko ang gitara,
at handang mangharana..

you mesmerize me with diamond eyes,
i try to fool myself to think i'll be alright..
but i am losing all control,
my mind, my heart, my body and my soul..
never in my life have i been so sure..

nobdy's made me feel this ay before..
you're everything i wanted, and more..

adik sa yo.. awit sa akin,
nilang sawa na sa king mga kwentong marathon,
tungkol sa yo at a ligayang iyong hatid
sa a king buhay
tuloy ang bida sa isipan ko'y ikaw..
sa umaga't sa gabi sa bawat minutong lumilipas,
hinahanap-hanap kita.. hinahanap-hanap kita..
sa isip at panaginip, bawat pagpihit ng tadhaa..
hinahanap-hanap kita..

sa school, sa flag ceremony,
hanggang uwian araw-araw..
hinahanap-hanap kita..

i cannot find a way t describe it,
it's there inside, all i do is hide
i wish that it would just go away

all the pain..
im calling you..
all the thoughts lead back to you
back to what was never said,
back and forth inside my head..
i cant handle this confusion, im unable
come and take me away..
my words are cold,
i dont want them to hurt you..

what i dont understand is why im feeling so bad now
when i know it was my idea..
i could have just denied the truth and lied..
now why am i the only one standing stranded on the same ground?

sa panaginip na lang pala kita maisasayaw..
magkahawak ang ating kamay,
at walang kamalay.malay na tinuruan mo ang puso ko
na umibig ng tunay..

ivxoi

-+reish.112904.

yeah, it's blue.

oonga.. blue..

shaks.. parang ang lonely na hindi yung kulay..

haha.. wala lang.. napag.experementuhan ang blog.. boring na yung usual eh..

and now.. it still sucks.

haha..

nde naman mashado..

*anger at self*

i should be doing some stuff now.. stuff to cram.. haha.. *i'll always be a cammer* but here i am.. doing what im doing.. *line sounds familiar..*

panira ako sa sarili kong sked.

haha..

discipline..

lost.

haha..

mwahahahha..

oh well..

better get going.

oh yeah..

i remembered something..

sht.. how come blogger didnt save my last two entries? what the hell man..

'ang awit ng langgam'.. nakadalawang version na ko nun..

title lang ang nasave sa haba ng version1.

tapos wala ni isang dot ang nasave sa version2.

gagawa ako ng version3..

dahil nakakafrustrate.. sayang yung oras at energy *haha..* sa pagttype..

haha..

may pasok na bukas.

hug niyo ko.

haha.. please? n_n

save me...

-+rei.112904.

ang awit ng langgam

isang poste

sinta.sugarfree

ako'y isang malungkot na bata, palakad.lakad lang, wala rin namang mapupuntahan at madalas na madulas, at na parang ayoko na.. buti na lang nandyan ka, buti na lang nandyan ka, sinta.. pano na lang ako kung wala ka, sinta? pano na lang ako kung wala ka, pano na lang ako.. minsan ako'y naligaw ng daan, tinalikuran ng kaibigan at biglang napag.iwanan at madalas na ako'y nadulas, at nung parang ayoko na.. buti na lang nandyan ka, buti na lang nandyan ka, sinta.. pano na lang ako kung wala ka, sinta? pano na lang ako kung wala ka.. pano na lang ako.. pano na lang ako? ako'y isang malungkot na bata, pano kung ligaya ko'y bigla na lang mawala? at ang sabi mo'y, 'malayo pa ang bukas, at tapos na ang kahapon..' ang mahala'y ngayon nandito ka ngayon, o sinta.. pano na lang ako kung wala ka, sinta? pano na lang ako kung wala ka, pano na lang ako.. pano na lang ako?

..haha.. i just can't get over this song.. haha.. aliw yung lyrics eh..

at ako nga'y isang malungkot na bata.

pero masaya pa rin ako.

haha..

(ang pag.ibig..) ganyan talaga.. (ako'y nilamon na ng pag.ibig..) ganyan talaga.. masaya.

wEeEeEe.. ang saya... sarap maggitara.. haha.. nakakamiss..

yeah! we're going to play! haha.. it's nothing big, but i am 100% excited about it.. kahit na ba di pa sigurado yung line.up ng songs, which ones im going to play, pano yung guitar, pano yung practice (sabi sa kin sa studio daw kami..) and all those stuff.. haha.. nakakatawa.. information crisis! haha..

masyadong uninformative ang blog na to.. (or not..) kapos ako sa info.. haha.. (magdonate kayo.. haha..)

anyway.. sa sobrang excitement siguro, i spent the whole day playing my guitar.. nagpaka.adik.. haha.. d ko na nga nagawa yung geom project ko.. due sha next friday.. kaya mejo ok lang..

at sigurado ako.. for my project.. gagawa ako ng book.

kailangan kasi na iapply ang geom sa kaht anong napag.iinteresan mo..

so..

pupunuin ko yun ng designs ko.. (haha.. as a kid, i always wanted to be an interior, or fashion designer.. haha.. or cartoonist.. or something..) then some poems.. writings.. then gagawa ako ng song.. basta.. hanggang sa chords lalagyan ko ng geom.. geometry everywhere! haha!! weEeEe!!

ang saya nung group quiz last wednesday.. haha.. power house ang group namin! (oh well, para sa kin.. haha..) pero.. haha.. mali pala.. kahit mga geompions ang nandun.. haha. panalo yung kabilang team.. wahahaha.. nakaka.hyper.. seryoso.. cheer pa rin ako ng cheer sa team kahit nauunahan kami nung kabila.. haha.. lahat kami namental block.. haha.. ako kaya siguro bigla na lang akong namental block sa ibang questions, ay dahil sa sobrang pagka.hyper.. haha.. ang labo.. haha.. pero ok lang... haha..

shucks. nakalimutan kasing ilowest terms!!! wahahahaha.. tama na eh.. tsk.. (ang basa jan, ti.es.key.. haha..) carelessness.. (sorry po..!:D 1point din yun..)

tapos yung isa naman.. tama na ang answers.. chineck pa.. so.. haha.. naunahan kami.. haha.. nakakatawa.. haha..

geom.

maam yuhico.. butterflies.. haha.. wala lang.. naalala ko lang..

pero kahit magaling ang aming titcher, at masaya ang jom.. nde ko alam kung bakit madalas akong antukin sa class.. sa klaseng malaki ang interes ko.. haha.. pero bakit sa pisiks di naman ako niaantok? haha.. tamang magcompare.. pero ako naman yung kinocompare sa ako eh.. haha.. so.. okey lang.

waw.. long test bukas.. onga pala! haha.. actually, nde.. today na! haha.. umaga na nga pala..

long test sa physics.

yeah.

YEAH!! haha..

teka.. may strike pa ba? potek.. tumigil na kayo..

wahahaha.. binabawasan nyo ang number of school days! ano ba?!

kung may problema kayo.. mag.usap.usap kayo't wag mandamay ng iba.. wala namang ganyanan..

haha.. sori.. mahal ko kasi ang pisay.. haha.. at gusto kong pumasok.. magpakabangag, makakita ng multo, mag.aral, matuto, tumawa, magcaf, maggazebo, magstroll, mag.ice fight (yeah!! kahit mukha kaming mga tanga), magcram, et al. (ui.. english naman..)

teka.. mali..

'sorry' pala.. nde sori.. yun kasi ay large clusters.. na grupo ng sporangia.. haha.. bio.. sir espinas! haha..

mukha shang cartoon.. haha.. tulad ng maraming teachers.. actually, d lang teachers.. lahat halos ng tao sa mundo kung titingnan mo mukhang cartoon.. (kailangan lang ng imagination at hilig sa cartoons..) yung iba nga, sige, ibahin natin.. mukhang mga anime! haha..

sorry po ulit.. *patawarin ang batang bangag..*

hmm.. 26nov na..

happy birthday pito! :D

onga.. 26nov na.. ang bilis.. alalang.alala ko pa nga ang elem eh.. tapos ngayon.. magtatapos na naman ang isang taon..

tsk.. ang bilis talaga..

bakit mabilis ang oras? ang panahon?

shucks.. yoko na munang magsenti.. haha.. magccram pa ko.. haha..

but i need a hug.. go on! hug me! iclick nyo lang yung 'give reish more hugs' part sa side.. yung may picture na kyoot na iba't ibang drawings na parang kid ang nagdraw.. haha.. yung picture na yun.. nde link yun.. iclick nyo yung mismong text..

haha..

*hug*

wait.. who am i hugging!?

haha.. potek.. hug na lang nang hug sa hangin.. parang baliw..

haha..

eto na.. eto na..

i am confused.. so confused.. feeling lost between each line that im saying.. feeling lost between each word.. between each letter.. between each segment.. each point.. haha.. potek.. you get the picture.

when caught in between what you want and what you need, obviously you'll have to choose what you need.. for it will keep you safe, and on the right track.

but then.. the forces of my 'want'.. is too great.. almost too much to handle.

pero kung sincere ako.. i'd choose what's right..

i want to choose the one that i need.. the one that we need.. but.. i just can't convince myself.

alam nyo yun..

yung tipong madali lang talunin ang 1. (okay, let's put some veryabols.. err.. variables.. haha.. insults..sorry)

DECLARE

1,2 as forces

3 as descision

END-DECLARE

1=want

2=need

3=right

sige.. hanggang jan na lang ang comp sci.. haha..

madaling talunin ang 1. para lang shang scratch paper sa algeb na pag humangin, liliparin at mawawala.. hangin lang. ganun lang kagaan ang papel.. at ang 2, parang isang sci cal. hindi kayang liparin ng simpleng hangin. pero dahil hinahawakan ng bata ang papel, hindi liliparin at mawawala yun, shempre. ang 3 naman, malakas din. para chem book. pero, dahil dalawa lang ang kamay ng bata, at hawak na niya ang 1 sa isang kamay, at 2 sa kabila, hindi nagagamit ang 3. at dahil masasabing mas kailangan ang chem book at sci cal sa chem class kaysa sa scratch paper sa algeb, kailangan munang bitawan ng bata ang 1, kahit na ba remembrance nya yun para sa meeting nila sa algeb. pero dahil mahal nya ang mga remembrance, di nya mabitawan ang 1. nagpapaka.ewan sha sa paghawak ng 1 at paglimot sa 3. pero wala shang pake.. pero kung disidido shang matuto sa chem, babalikan na lang niya ang scratch paper.. at ngayon nalilito sha. 'pwede ka namang matuto ng walang book ah..'

pero malabo ang ginawa kong kwento.

at malayo sa pagiging scratch paper ang 1, ang chem book sa 3, at ang sci cal sa 2..

pero di na mahalaga ang veryabols na ginamit ko..

haha..

ang finish line lang nun ay, nacoconfuse ako. di ko magawang kumbinsihin ang sarili ko.. kaya ko, pero ayoko.

(as andy would say..) stups talaga..

haha..

pero okey lang..

mukha na kong tanga, pero okey lang.. isang pagkakamaling di ko na ninanais na itama..

kelan ko kaya matatapos ang song na yun.. (together with the chords..) ewan.

haha..

oh joy! haha.. ang evil ko sa teachers..

sorry teachers..

sorry..

it's a good thing di nila alam ang blog na to..

pero sorry.. pa rin.. all these evil thoughts.. mwahaha.. they came from me, and no one else but me, for it is i, mojo jojo, who is the evil one.. i am bad, i am evil, i am mojo jojo! mwahahahaha..

ako nga rin pala ay kalahi ni zim.. tulad ng evilangels07.. haha.. mga invaders..

waw.. ang sama ko talaga..

tsk..

anyway..

kanina may nabanggit akong 'ice fight'..

ano ang ice fight? ice fight? ano yun? ah.. ice fight.. wala lang. wala lang ang ice fight? talaga? yun ba yon? oo, wala lang ang ice fight.. ah.. so kung sasabihin kong wla lang, ay dapat ice fight na lang ang sasabihin ko.. ganon ba? hindi.. eh ano? oo nga, ano ba ang ice fight? ang gulo mo naman eh.. talaga? magulo ako? sorry ha.. oo na, ok lang.. so ano nga ang ice fight? laban ng yelo? haha.. o, natawa ka naman.. di jowk yun.. oo nga, ang ice fight ay ang tapunan ng yelo.. ng mga mukhang tanga.. sa kahit saan.. haha.. talaga? oo, talaga.. pano mo nalaman? sabi ni krishna eh.. ows? talaga? sabi yun ni krishna? oo, sabi yun ni krishna.. ah.. ok.. sabi pala ni krishna eh.. kala ko naman kung saan mo napulot yun.. oo nga, basta sabi ni krishna.. ok na yun.. yun pala ang ice fight.. oo nga, yun pala ang ice fight.. oo, yun ang ice fight. ah.. teka.. sino si krishna? oo nga no, sino si krishna? ah.. si krishna.. uh.. oo nga no.. sino si krishna..?

di ko rin alam eh..

*all scratch their heads..*

haha..

andy.. style mo.. pinalawak ko.. weEeEe.. :D

ako'y isang bangag, sa puso't diwa.. bangag, na isinilang, na otting bata.

ang nerdok ng blog entry na to. haha.. at ang evil pa.. ewan. basta. bangag forever.

i am a kid,

-+reish.112604.

WANTED: electric guitar

yeah, an electric guitar is needed badly.

(haha.. at least I need it badly)

for inquires, just post a comment on this post.

all electric guitars - any color, shape, brand or size - are welcome.

the guitar/ guitars will be needed by this coming friday, 26 November 2004. Then, if you are not willing to lend it to me over the weekend, i'll be borrowing it again by next friday, 03 December 2004.

i am only asking for someone who will be lending his/her guitar to me, i'm not asking anybody to give me one. (unless you want to ;P)

thank you.

haha..

waw..

advertisment.

haha..

as if naman..

haha..

aww.. haha.. may sked na rin yung guitars ng friends ko.. tsk.. and the others that i know who own electric guitars.. are band members.. they are probably going to use their guitars.

haha..

tsk..

haha..

it's not such a big deal anyway.

magpperform lang kami next friday.. sa music.. parang 'mini concert'.

at mas masayang makasama sa number na lahat kayo, on electric guitars.. may lead, may bass.. parang banda.. kulang na lang drums.

onga no! ads ulit!

WANTED: drums.

haha.. pero mahirap na yun.. haha..

pacaba! ako na lang sa bass! sabi mo kahapon ako sa bass.. pero si daryl na yata ang may bass guitar.. or something.. haha.. tsk.. kahapon nyo lang ako sinabihang mag.eelectric.. tsk. haha.. guys sa rock line.up ako.. haha.. im sure that not even you would want to play pop music more than rock.

haha.. but somehow my acoustic one would do.

haay.. eto na naman ako..

parang baliw.. haha..

they won't read this! they don't even know that this blog exists. haha..

wala lang..

imaginary..

woohoo..

you can't win in everything but you can try.

-+reish.112404.

wad ilam

Anima Cristi.. alam nyo yun? haha.. wala lang..

ang paborito kong Church song..

hindi ko na ipopost yung lyrics..

wala lang.

masaya maging weird.. maging iba.. out of the ordinary.

para sa kin, lagi yun.

pero kanina, naging iba.

minsan lang pala.

mahirap pag mali.lalo na pag alam mong mali.

at ang tanging nagpapasaya sayo ay kailangan mong pakawalan.

dahil ikaw, o kayo, ay mali.

at kailangan mong itama ang sarili mo, dahil mas importante ang 'eternal happiness' kaysa sa 'temporary happiness'.

natutunan ko na.

malaki at malupit ang demands ng Christianity.

ang pinaka.pinanghahawakan mo, ang dapat mong pakawalan.

at isa pa tong naalala ko.. walang kwenta ang isang bagay na hindi pinaghirapan, kahit konti.

it's hard.. leaving you the way when i never wanted to..
self.denial is a game, it's strange
i never would have wanted til there was you
coz i have learned that love is beyond what human can imagine
the more it clears, the more i have to let you go

sacrifices..

huwaw.. bigat, pare..

anyway..

haha..

tawa na lang..

tawa..

haha..

haha..

ahahahahaha..

ako'y nagpapakabangag..

tinatago ang kalungkutan.. ang lahat ng bumabagabag sa kin..

haha..

at kaysa sa pagpanic dahil marami pa kong di nagagawa na dapat gawin na,

ay nandito ako.. parang baliw na nakatanga.

sa tabi.tabi..

sa kanto ng kawalan..

sa lugar ng mga bangag at lito..

sa sarili kong 'utopia'.. ang masayang lugar na walang inaalala..

ignoring time and space..

actually, time lang.

haha..

when i die,

i wanna die fast.

haha.. walang koneksyon.naisip ko lang.

ako'y isang bangag, sa puso't diwa..

weehee..

mahal ko si 0301191925.

pero..

mali.

nalilito na ko..

naliligaw..

natatanga..

haha..

what'll happen next?

will i rot like a cabbage and die?

mahirap..

nahihirapan ako..

pero ok lang..

masaya ako..

kasi nanjan sha..

pero malungkot..

dahil..

yun.

haha..

ako nga'y isang bangag.

haha.

tawa na lang ulit.

haha..

hahaha..

hahahaha..

ako si krishna.

pero di na importante yun.

-+reish.112104.

o_O

sort things out.

will that help?

i'm just a kid.. but life isn't a nightmare.. because she's there.. but in a way, i feel that i am alone in this world.. maybe life is fair.. and i am not.
i do lock myself in a room, with the radio on turned up so loud you can't hear yourself think.. coz i don't want anybody to hear me scream.. to see how weak i am.. i feel lost. i feel left out in the dark. i am on the edge of breaking down, is there anyone who can save me? do you know what this is like? you wouldn't like my life..
yeah, i can ever be perfect.. perfection does not exist in the world that i see.. i'm losing it all.. nothing lasts forever.
i am addicted to her.. and i want it, i need her.. i'm addicted to her..
i'd do anything just to hold her in my arms.. 0301191925. i'll hold on to you.. and i do believe.

t.ng.n.n.m.n.. ako si mojo jojo. i am bad.. i am evil. i am selfish. i am wrong. but i am not a suicidal freak.. i am not a coward. haha..

how many stupid times have i used the word 'I'? see how selfish i am? how much i think of myself.. what I want, what I need, what I think.. selfish. selfish. selfish.

okay.. that helped..

PROBLEM#1:: i am selfish. i usually close my doors to some things that just don't work out for me. maybe the world is trying to befriend me, but i just don't want to try out novelty for myself. masyado akong nasstuck sa nakasanayan ko.. i'll never survive this way. i need to be a more open.minded person.. put myself in other people's shoes.. maybe i am the problem.. and i am trying to blame others for it.. though i know that I am wrong.

PROBLEM#2:: i am not so patient. that's why i jump to conclusions without seeing everything.. i need to set my own views aside sometimes..

PROBLEM#3:: di ako magaling magprioritize, and i break my own schedule.. and ruin everything for myself.. then krishna just goes blaming a part of the world for it.. tsk tsk.. iresponsableng bata.

PROBLEM#4:: may migrane yata ako.

PROBLEM#5:: i lack self.discipline and respect. i need to train myself more. kailangan kong icontrol ang sarili ko from being "the world's greatest vandalizer" (as andy would call me..) all over again. i wrote on 3 tables last friday.. nung algeb, geom at bio. haay.. i thought i got over that.. ilang buwan ko na ring nirerespeto ang mga pasilidad at kagamitan sa pisay..

PROBLEM#6:: bangag ako. i refuse to search deep.. perhaps i am a coward (but still not suicidal) perhaps i'm simply afraid to find something that i'm quite not ready to discover.. na ayokong ma.contrdict ang mga bagay na nasa ayos na para sa kin.. haha.. malabo ba? di naman kailangang maintindihan to eh.

PROBLEM#7:: i don't know. (wahahahaha..)

dude..

nung sinabi ko sa yo na 'hindi ko alam kung ano yung problem ko'.. hindi ko talaga alam.. di ko alam specifically what was that thing that was pulling me down.. sasabihin ko naman kung alam ko eh.. i wouldn't want you to worry about what was up with me.. or in that case, down.. (haha..) nakita ko yun sa reaction ng mukha mo.. waw.. sorry talaga dude.. sorry. sorry. sorry. di mo naman ako kailangang isipin eh.. don't worry about me.. ganito lang talaga siguro ako.. bangag. magulo. malabo.

thank you na rin..

i love you.

my hopes, plans and dreams.. slowly being shattered.. or siguro masyado lang na na.sslow down..

my love of music.. my beloved guitar.. potek.. ayoko ng isipin kung gaano ako kabano sa pag.gigitara ngayon.. matagal ko na shang nilalaro.laro lang.. last na tumugtog talaga ako.. (with people watching and all..) was last.. err.. ewan.. first quarter pa yun..

tapos.. gusto kong maging mas active. ako ay nabbore sa mga ginagawa ko.. wala naman yata akong ginagawa eh. haha.. i don't want to stay in a corner to rot and die. i can do better.

marami na kong tinalikuran. bangag ako. my writings.. the archive of the art that i see.. marami sila.. and i left myself.

potek..

bangag nga ako.

not to mention stupid.

need to put myself back together.

and these are some of my weaknesses.. some things that i wouldn't want the world to see.. but why hide reality?

kailangan ko ng outlet..

i belive in you.. i'd give up everything just to find you. i have to be with you to live, to breathe.. you're taking over me.

0301191925.. i love you. you keep me going.. haha.. i'd hate second year kung wala ka.. you make everything worth the pressure.. the pain..

i can't find the words to say.. nabblanko na yata ako..

haha.. pinapagalitan na ko.. umalis na daw ako sa harap ng comp.

aww.. poor me.. i pretty much didn't sort things out well.. haha..

i'm going numb.

i'm just a kid.. but life isn't a nightmare.

-+reish.112004.

R-13 post.

i am currently thinking of how many slashes i should give to myself when i finally take suicide as a serious option.. a coward's solution to problems.

but..

haha.. that statement was a joke.. it was only half.meant.

i don't plan to commit suicide, not even in the future.

hmm.. what the hell is my problem?

why are these thoughts in my head?

perhaps, somewhere within me still lies rei, the hidden darkness.. onga, matagal na ring 'reish' ang ginagamit ko..

ewan.. weirdo ako eh.

i have my "parts".

ako si krishna. ang taong kilala mo (kung kilala mo man ako)

ako rin si rei. the dark, poetic, artistic, rock-addicted, rebellious, fiery (with emotions and thoughts) part of me.

ako rin, si ish. the crazy one. haha.. the lighter side.. ang masaya, ang na.hhigh, ang 'nature.and.peace-loving' (potek..), ang kid, ang super carefree side.

and making things weirder is reish. nag.converge si rei at si ish.

anong pinagkaiba ni krishna kay reish? hmm.. ewan. parehas lang silang bangag. parehas silang kabuuan ko. parehas nilang mahal si 0301191925. parehas silang ako, at ako lang.

nanlilito lang ako..

ako'y isang dakilang weirdo.

and im happy being this.

weirdo - weird - unusual - iba - unique +it lands on something good anyway+

i suck.

i feel isolated. tormented. a failure. an illusion. a hoax. mislead (by self).

i blame no one but me.

i miss HSS.. badly..

ka.rerealize ko lang nun..

ewan, siguro iba lang talaga ang place na yun..

masaya, you can open up to anybody, magulo, bangag, i got away with f.rg.ry, ewan ko..

nalolonely lang siguro ako ngayon.. sa lugar na kinatatayuan ko.

i blame (for this case) the poeple who messed up with the sectioning. fk.thm.

actually, joke lang yung last part. d ako ganun ka.babaw.

i just can't seem to find my place, or perhaps, i'm the one who's blocking my own way. looking from the same angle, and sticking on the same depressing thoughts.

poor poor kid.. tsk tsk..

ang stupid. ang ul.l..

i wish i'd dissolve into thin air and be gone forever.. going nowhere.. at least not in hell.

hell is the last place that i would want to go to.

seriously, i am afraid of hell.

haha..

ang wirdo talaga.. 'i am afraid of hell'... SO??? like anybody cares..

why speak when nobody will listen?

i am a paranoid.

pero astig, kasi ewan ko.. nanlalamig ako kanina talaga sa skul (actually kagabi) dun sa may creek.. kasi.. ewan ko.. i inevitably thought of snakes or whatever appearing then and there infront of us.

pero ok lang, i was with her and that was enough for me to have the energy to walk.. and run and smile and laugh.

nakakadepress..

haha.. baliw talaga ako.. nadedepress sa blog.. it sucks man, it really does..

fk cacography. fk typo's. fk template (i couldn't make a difference for myself) . . i'll try editting it again, html, at pag di ko sha nabago.. mud! . . arr.

ang korni..

i think of things that i shouldn't be thinking of. they are very unimportant. their value is less than a fkn jeepey ride that increased by 1.50php. why can't this country be a better place for itself? it's becoming more and more of a piece of crap.

but don't get me wrong, i do love the philippines, and it is my mother land.

but i am a crappy child, and i see how far down the country's going to drop.

have i become a pessimist?

i hope not.

i am usually an optimist.

but this post..

it's non.sense.

it's a piece of fkn sht.

i am a failure.

tsk tsk.

a weirdo - that i am.

kung mababaw to, sa tingin nyo.. sabihin nyo lang, i won't mind, neither will i kill you for it.

what else can i do?

ako to. malabo.

i am being eaten by pride, anger, stupidity, painful negativities, and agressive loneliness.

and do i hate myself for all these?

nope.

perhaps you do, whoever you are.

so tell me.

haha.. wala lang..

naisip ko lang na kung minsang iwan ako ng mundo, kailangan lagi lang akong nandito para sa sarili ko..

when all else fail, i may have no one else left but me.

God will always be there, but a human companion still is different.

FRUSTRATED MODE GOING ALL THE WAY. . .

i love 0301191925,

-+reish. krishna. ish. rei. all of me. 111104.

dot.dot.dot.

bangag ako ngayon.

A while ago, my mom took me to the doctor. haha.. this kid is uhm.. sick (?).. at least they think so..
I don't agree with what the thermometer suggests.. i don't really feel sick or anything.. just.. crazy.. (english ng bangag..?) .. haha.. woohoo..! hyper..
pero panget, walang ibang bangag dito sa bahay.. so kailangan ko na shang ishare sa blog ko.. i love you blog.. (blog: i love you too..) haha.. ooohhh... cool.. blog with feelings.. talk to me, blog.. talk.. talk.. TALK!
teka.. DONT talk. i'll freak out so bad i'd die. haha.. seriously. haha.. ang labo ko talaga.. binawi ko rin yung talk talk talk part.. hahaha..

anyway.. going back..
soo..
my mom took me to the pedia (kid! kid! til 18 ang pedia d ba.?) and what did i get?
hmm.. 3 sheets ng doctor's paper.. thingy.. (dunno what to call that piece of paper..) na puno ng nirereseta niyang gamot..
man..
i am THAT sick??? woah.. at the least 6 different medicines yun..but i'm not really required to take them. well, at least not all of them. (phew! good thing..)
ngayon lang nalaman ng mom ko na 4days na kong may sakit.. hahah.. d ko sila sinasabihan when i feel, or am, sick. pagbabawalan nila ako sa maraming bagay. at ako ay makulit.

and you know what? dude even scared me at school.. told me about how scary doctors are.. saws.. mirrors to see yourself die in terror and pain..
so i thought of asking my mom not to go.. but she scolded me and told me that i should..
and then when i got there, at the clinic, the doctor.. she was preparing her tools.. made each and every piece of me shiver.. 'i can't believe my own mom brought me here.. how could she do this to me?!', i thought.
but after the check-up and long talks and chit.chats.. everything was ok.
i even took home lollipop.
maybe i should go to the doctor more often.. then next week i'll ask her for a balloon.. then next next week, a ute little stuff toy..
i'll be a good girl so that the doctor would give me sweets again.. *yum!!
hahahahaha.. bangag nga ako.. watastori.. joke lang yun. 70% barbero. hahaha.. hair.. it's covering my face.. like slow spinning redemption.. blocking in, blocking out..
uuuiii!!! epileptic drummers! haha. wala lang..
tapos eto pa..
ang tubig hindi yan basa. nagpapabasa lang.
(tama ba yung naaalala kong sinabi mo, dude?)
wala lang.. onga..
wala lang..

tapos.. yung 'dude'.. uhh.. i think i only use it for 241509..
ewan.. i dont call other people 'dude'..
haha.. wala lang..

tapos.. mahirap talagang kumanta pag may colds ka. potek.. para akong pumipiyok.. haha.. sabi tuloy sa group namina.. 'parang may tumataas na tono sa inyo..'.. or somethin like that. ;P
at mas mahirap ang mag.long test (lalo na pag feel na feel mo na yung proving part.. yung tipong mahal mo na ang geom dahil nakakapag.prove ka..) ..pag may runny (or running? ano ba? whatever..) nose ka.
haha.. wala lang..

TANONG: sino ang may.ari ng liwanag ng bituin??
haha.. SAGOT: si Ningning.
'sa langit sumilay ang isang bituin.. liwanag nito'y kay Ningning..'
hahha.. *patawarin ang korni..
**pasalamat ka, jao.. ako pa humihingi ng tawad para sa yo.. haha.. joke niya yun eh, sinespread ko lang :D

wag mo na akong pilitin.. ako ay walang lakas ng loob para tumanggi.. walang dapat ipag.taka.. ako ay pinanganak na torpe, dyan sa tabi.tabi.. pasensiya na..
haha.. wala lang.. aliw yung song..

LINE OF THE DAY: ang cute ng sky!
haha.. wala lang..
teka.. dapat pala 'wala lang'.. kasi sobrang gasgas na yung expression/line na yan..
oh well, CUTE ANG SKY! haha..

STATUS: now zooming in to the painful claws of frustration..
. . . reading . . . completed.
(with comp sound effects yun ha..)

when my mom and i were walking outside a while ago, we passed by some guy who was playing the guitar.
know what?
he was cruel. his fingers were cruel.
he was playing really good.. and to think na sobrang naimpress ako sa plucking nya.. bilis eh.. palipat.lipat lang ng iba't ibang chords.. bilis man.. (though i really have seen a lot who's a hel lot better than that guy.. but i'm talking about today anyway..)
he made me remember how i have abandoned my guitar and my love of playing it.. have i really thrown away my dreams? wanna be in a band someday.. and someday, is not yet today. (haha.. kimmy..)
but seriously, ganun nga ang nangyari.. impressing.. pero nakakalungkot isipin na madali pala akong nag.give up.. na sobrang nafrustrate lang ako one day and poof! i didn't want to play the guitar ever again..
i think the last time na tumugtog ako (hindi yung tugtog na trips lang and putol yung kanta, or my so-called 'inventory' lang.. tugtog talaga..) ay nung 1st quarter presentation pa namin sa Music..
anong kanta ba nga ba yun? happy ending? eh nagkaroon lang ako nung copy nung chords nung mismong presentation day.. haha.. i learn fast. (windy.. konti lang..) at least nagawa ko sha ng buo.. but i felt down na hirap ako sa bar.. waw..
tapos d pa kumakanta lahat sa group, so nakakawalang.gana.. pero ok lang.. tuloy lang.. then the presentation ended..
d ko maalala exactly when i decided to give it up (if i REALLY did).. many thoughts came in blurting themselves into my mind.. haha..
and now, i wonder each and every morning about what happened to the guitar-loving krishna.. haha.. may routine ako, wake up, be a bed potato (may couch potato naman eh) for a few minutes, magpray, mag.good morning kay 0301191925, go to the 'room of the closets', sit on the drafting table (sorry dad..) then stare at my guitar - just there, hanging on the wall where i placed it.
aww.. poor guitar.. lonely.. there.. just there..
at nagulat ako yesterday.. akalain ko bang HINGIIN sa kin ni jericho yung guitar ko?? meron na sha eh.. potek.. haha.. pero joke lang naman yata yun.. 'krishna.. ginagamit mo pa ba yung guitar mo? sira? akin na lang yun!' (note: could have been rephrased.)
haha.. i won't give it to anybody.. nor is it broken..
haha.. beloved guitar.. hinahanap ko na lang ang inspiration.. tutugtugin din kita.. kinoconvince ko pa ang sarili ko na tanggaping di pa talaga ako pro, but i will be if i try hard enough.. ke fast or slow learner man to.. whatever happens.. babalikan kita!
haha.. ang drama.. pero seryoso.. panget kasi.. it's my pride that's keeping me away from doing things all over again..
tsk tsk.

STATUS: now cancelling frustrated mode . . . completed.

haha.. yeah..
oi cute yung 'sinta'.. sugarfree.. pero mushy sha.. medyo.. pero ok lang.. nakakalanggam.. ng konti..reminds me of 241509.. highly applicable.. para sakin.. i think.. haha..
'ako'y isang malungkot na bata.. ... madalas akong (o ako'y??) madulas.. buti na lang nandyan ka, buti na lang nandyan ka, sinta.. paano na lang ako kung wala ka? paano na lang ako kung wala ka, sinta?? . . .'
wala lang.. cute ang sky..

onga pala.. puros praktis lang kami halos nmgayong araw na to para sa paskorus/paskorito.. haha..
ang pangit ng line na inuulit.ulit namin.. '..ay sumilang.. teka.. ulit.. sumilang.. sumilang..'
potek.. reminding mia and i (mau kasama ka na rin) of our 'holy' days.. haha.. days sa Holy.. la lang.. (oh alma mater kind and dear we sing your praises, far and near, at home, at school on land and sea, the thought of you is dear to me.. uh.. mamaya ko na itutuloy..)
..so.. going back.. pinapaalala lang sa min nyan ang h.e.l.e. teacher namin noon.. si Mrs. sumilang.. and she, let's just say that she's not our favorite teacher. haha.. ang labo din nya mag.grade.. d ko makakalimutan ang 86 na binigay niya noon (pero sa art yun).. panira.. eh wala naman sha halos na pinapagawa sa subject nya!
haha.. tama. ngayon magreklamo sa grade6 teacher.. nice one..
haha..
yan.. naalala ko tuloy ang Holy..
*reminiscing...
lalo na ang cattleya..
ang halu.halong klase ng tao.. ang mga makukulit, ang mga tamad mag.recite, mga masipag mag.recite, ang madadaldal, ang mga tahimik, ang mga prank.callers, ang mga hartrab, ang mga nasa honor roll, ang mga obit, ang mga 100%kikay, ang mga late.comers, mga early birds, ang mga pranka, iba.iba pa..
pero since pinagsama.sama kami.. ang lupit!
haha..
naalala ko yung quarterly reporting sa Hekasi.. ang tindi talaga ni mrs. estrella.. pamatay magtanong.. ang lalalim.. pero ok lang.
tapos si Gam.. pati si Kristine.. ang mga impersonators.. pag lunch break, kahit bawal magstay sa room, nandun kami, may daily laughing sessions kami dun.. haha..
tapos pag lunch na, lagi kaming may 'picnic' sa room ang bawat pagkaing dalahin mo sa skul.. food for sharing na yan! haha..
tapos sila Gam ulit.. ang mga nambblock ng door para 'magdonate' ang mga dadaan para sa 'charity'.. at hindi optional yun. hahah... labo.. but i once got away from it.. nakalimutan nilang ilock yung isa pang door. :D
at nag 'cheer dance' kami nung school fair that year! haha.. wala lang.. '..catt-le-yahhh...'
tapos si 'ate bebes'.. si Eji.. mga pinaka.naging ka.close ko that year.. na kahit first time ko silang maka.klase, ok kaagad..
si joan.. si sheoan.. haaaaayyyy... langgam.. nalala ko pa yung rose.. tapos yung taxi ride.. tapos nung tinulungan ko si Uyvico with Che.. givin up one's happiness for the other.. i learned that from sheoan. salamat sa yo.
tapos si dar.. shempre! oi! pareh! bespren! wala lang.. salamat ulit ng marami..
tapos ako daw yung 'younger versioon ni d.y... haha.. lol ka talaga Gam.. ang mga naiisip mo.. kabaliwan.. haha.. kasi naabot ko one time yung mataas na pitch na binigay niya sa class or somethin.. haha.. weh gam! kaw si ester and the other ester.. haha.. sorry po.. patawarin ang bata..
tapos si Isay.. belated, ka.bertday!
tapos di ko rin malilimutan yung mga scratch papers na nakita ko sa bag ko one day.. mga scratch ng finorge na excuse letterS.. haha.. ng baliw nun.. pero nagawa na eh, sori na lang.. d ko naman po uulitin ever again, eh!
and the rest of cattleya.. di na ko makapagtype nang maayos.. nawawalan na ko ng energy.. dinner.. eat.. dinner.. then.. medicine.. but.. need.. dude.. more.. haha..:D

oh alma mater kind and dear

we sing your praises

far and near

at home, at school, on land, and sea

the thought of you is dear to me

*so dear to us is the HSS

with love our hearts enfold her

stand, stand for the HSS for truth in love,

stand, stand for the HSS, for truth in love.*

someday, when far from you

we roam

our hearts will surely travel home

and mem'ries sweet and dear to me

those dear old days that used to be

parang bano..

pero ok lang..

mahal ko ang Holy Mamau.. err.. HOLY SPIRIT! forever thankful..

haha.. pwede pa rin naman daw ako sa chocolates!! yehey!! woohoo!!
haha.. wala lang ulit.. cute ulit ang sky.

ailabshoi.

(post ends here.)
-+reish.091104