wala lang.

my last breath. evanescence.
hold on to me love
you know i can't stay long
all i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid
can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms?
holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light?
it ends here tonight
i'll miss the winter
a world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
i know you hear me
i can taste it in your tears
holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light?
it ends here tonight
closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one's there
say goodnight
don't be afraid
calling me..
calling me as you fade to black

taking over me. evanescence.
you don't remember me but i remember you
i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
but who can decide what they dream?
and dream i do...
i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you
to live
to breathe
you're taking over me
have you forgotten all i know,
and all we had?
you saw me mourning my love for you
and touched my hand
i knew you loved me then
i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you
to live, to breathe
you're taking over me
i look in the mirror and see your face
if i look deep enough
so many things inside that are just like
you are taking over..

same ground. kitchie nadal.
my love,
it's been a long time since i cried
and left you out of the blue
it's hard
leaving you the way when i never wanted to
self-denial
is a game a stranger wouldn't have wanted til there was you
'cause i have learned that love
is beyond what human can imagine
the more it clears,
the more i've got to let you go
now what i don't understand
is why i'm feeling so bad now
when i know it was my idea
i could have just denied the truth and lied
now why am i the only one standing stranded on the same ground?
if all else fail,
would you be there to love me?
when all else fail,
would you be there
to see right through me?

xoi. xoi. xoi. mcdo. xoi. xoi. xoi.

Wala lang.. naalala lang kita.

..as always. n_n

-+reish.301004.

Reminisce..

..and today, is my beloved birthday.yey.I'm 14.(haha.. I don't think I have much energy left to feel good..)
Wow. 14 years of living on earth.

Like what I usually do during my birthday, I went to church and heard mass.Today, I felt anger at the priest. (judging.. sorry..) I don't think he was even prepared for the mass himself. I mean, even my dad noticed it.. He didn't even wear socks.. slippers lang man.. And the thing that I hated most about him, was that he looked awfully sleepy. ^*!#. At di sya nag.homily. For crying out loud.. he could have at least made his reading of the Gospel a bit clearer.

Hmm.. nagiging religious ako more and more, as each day passes by. I realized that God is alive.. in me.. and He loves me, so much. He loves you, too.. whoever you are. And when everything fails, He'll be the only one who'll never stop loving you.Though, I admit, I do have doubts, still. But faith.. it keeps me believing.
But I am not yet devoted to Him. That, I know.

I am afraid. Afraid that the greatest blessing that God has yet given me, would be my greatest sacrifice.. sooner or later..And giving her up would be difficult. Far too difficult for me.

So.. going back..

I basically reminisced my 14 years of living a while ago, at the church..Haha.. My first rollercoaster ride.. I remember that! Fieldtrip namin nun.. grade1.. tapos since yung teacher namin ay may heart attack, di sha sumakay.Haha.. My first birthday.. naalala ko.. (may video nito, kaya alam ko.. hehe..) yung white shirt na gift ng ninong ko ay tinapon ko sa floor. Siguro di ko nagustuhan. Pinulot ng mom ko, inabot sa kin, at tinapon ko ulit!! hahaha! Haha.. My first 'bestfriend'.. Sarah Jane.. haha.. karibal ko yan sa first crush ko.. haay GVS.. how I miss you.. naalala ko pa, dati may 'code of honor' kami dun. Walang 'Alma Mater song'.lHaha.. syempre ang Holy.. the school that truly built up my personality and being. (woohoo!! now I know who to blame! haha!!) Haay.. mga sobrang memorable na tao..*Sarah - ang aking unang bespren *Irene - bespren ko, kahit magkalayo may communication pa rin kami. kewl.*Herald - potek sa yaman na kid.. moral na lang, p're. siguro naman nagbago ka na.. 'akin na lang yung silver crayon mo!' haha..*Ged - ang dakilang taga. lagay ng ipis sa desk ko nung grade1 *Hss'03 - lalo na sa Daisy03, Gladiola03, Zinnia03, Dahlia03, Cattleya03.. at sa mga teachers dun na pinagalitan, pinuri o kinaibigan ako.. *Dorklene - si bespren Dar na sobrang mcdo ko.. ang korni nito.. love ko to! woohoo.. *Uyvico - haha.. ang dakila kong kras na sobrang . . . uh.. basta. (hehe.. di mo naman mababasa to.. siguro) *(ate) Bebes - gud prend ko na sobrang nanjan lagi.. ang pretend 'ate' ko. *J.M.L.dc. - ang presidente ng grade6 class namin na 'hearttrob' at kras ko noon. galit sa kin ang ibang tao dahil lagi kaming magkasama. *Koko - ang forever na valedictorian ng HSS'03. *Gam - ang nagturo sa kin kung paano maadik sa pagmmall at paggimmick wherever. *Nikkitong - naging bespren ko na sobrang kulit. artistic pa. kewl ang family nya. wala lang. *Mics - kaibigan kong sasamahan ako kahit gabing gabi na sa kung saan. keeping me safe, tol? *TikZ - haha.. tiks.. tutor mo pa rin ako? *Marck - salamat at sorry. *Cero - 'ulol'. *Domo - constellations man. hahaha.. *Pito - 'ahihihihi'.. hahha.. wala lang. *Sir Luy - wala lang. naalala ko lang kayo.. ang art1 teacher namin. salamat sa mga ideas and opportunities na binigay mo sa kin. *lahat ng teachers ko sa Pisay - uh.. salamat. sa mga mukhang cartoon, sa mukhang stressed na kailangan ng stress tabs, at iba pa.. *Opal 07 - da best pa rin. *Li - salamat sa lahat! ang bespren kong otti, hartrab, at tawa nang tawa.. pero pag na.down.. shucks.. *Janel - pareh! *Rai - aliens! woosh! hahaha.. *Mithi - wala lang. basta naaalala kita. salamat na rin. *(kuya) Oyayi - ang 04 kong kras na hindi ko maintindaihan kung bakit kumakalat sa Pisay ngayon. at ngayon pa lang ha..? wala na yun.. *Kimmy - brawnis. Hanep magtravel.. parang model! *la-04 pipol - miss you guys.! *Tanglaw pipol - salamat po. kewl yung jamming sessions.. kahit hindi hard rock.. ok na rin. *Kat - Movie partner! so.. next movie..? 'kuya Yo.. paki drop off na lang yung owner ng car sa may mcdo.. uh.. hey car owner, name mo ulit?' haha.. *KJ - salamat sa pagsubok na irecruit ako sa basketball varsity.. pero mukhang hindi ko place yun.. though gusto ko ng jersey! haha.. gulo.. *Adelfa07 - haha.. honorary member nyo ko.. 'extenson' kung baga.. haha.. ang pangalawa kong 'section' sa 2nd year. *Camia07 - though para sa kin mostly gghn lang ang nangyayayri.. pero ok pa rin kayo.. tayo. *(ate) Xoi - mk pala. mcdo. (haha.. ano..?) yung hug ko, dude! *Myj - wrestling.. ano? haha.. *Karj - wrestling din.. haha.. taek naman.. ang amazing kong brother *'rentz - shempre. duh. *mga tao sa bahay - shempre. duh. *actually, lahat ng mga nakilala ko.. sorry kung di kita nabanggit.. siguro magpasalamat ka na lang na di ka nabanggit sa 'lol kong blog.

Teka teka.. di pa ko mamamatay.. (ippost ko pa to..) Pero ewan.. napag.tripan ko lang na banggitin ang ilang mga tao.. kasi.. wala lang.. banagag ako.Next time yung iba naman.Pramis yan.Cross your own hearts, people. haha.. labo man..

See? Hanep ako magreminisce.. mula sa mga firsts pa..Ayoko na, next time ko na lang itutuloy..

O, present naman..

Xoi.. anong meron? bangag ka lang ba talaga? (man..) seryoso.. nakakaworry ka.. or siguro masyado ko lang sineseryoso ang lahat ng sinasabi mo..

sino ka daw.. sabi nung mga nakakakita sa kin na sinusulat na lang bigla ang pangalang 'xoi' sa tissue, sa kamay, sa notebook, saan pa ba.. basta ganun..
Ang pangit.. ang bilis ng oras, ng panahon. 3rd quarter na (shucks book report..).And soon.. you'll have to graduate (dude..). But then I realized na naiintindihan ko. I can't do anything much about whatever that's happening now. What if you never met me? Perhaps you wouldn't be in this thing.. never felt the pain that you said you did.. never wasted so many hours on strolling around with a kid. I made your life bad.. sorry..*hug* virtual na naman?
I dunno how I can be so sure of this.. but I guess it's real.09.12152205.251521.

Pero what if di kita nakilala.? Maybe it would be so hard for me to look at the bright side of life.. lalo na ang second year life.. I wouldn't be this happy.. this thankful. I have never felt so blessed in my life. Then you brightened up everything. Thanks. For absolutely everything.

Last Sunday, (241004) haha.. weird as it seems.. I felt like I was floating.. masaya lang talaga..

Ewan.

Dar.. Thanks for giving me my energy back. Shucks.. kaw talaga ang ultimate pang.gising ko..

...At marami kaming homework. Siguro dapat na akong magsimula. haha.. Crammer talaga ako. By heart. Pero kailangan ko ring magbago.

Yey. Happy Birthday to me.

kid na kid at heart..,
-+reish.251004.

liar.

answers.. answers..
i need answers..

(no, hindi sa homework..)

ang labo talaga.. labo.. labo.. gulo.. gulo..

or maybe I already have the answers. Maybe I really have firgured things out. And what confuses me now.. is caused by nothing but my own fault. Perhaps I'm trying to look the other way.. trying to go along the happy way.. the way where I might be able to give some love back.. something in return..

But the last thing that I would want to do now is lie.. to you (xoixoixoi) or to myself.

I know I'm selfish. I am wrong.
But do I love you?

mushy.. mwahahhahaha!!

sorry man,, I can't help it..

Onga.. kung oobserbahan ko yung mga recent posts ko..
almost everything was about me. What I feel, what i would feel, what I see, what I think.

I. I. I. Me. Me. Me. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.

I'm a bad kid.

I just want to sleep and die.

But i want to hug dude first
..then I'll sleep and never wake up ever again.

Frustrated.
I'm lying.. being a hypocrite.. trying to hide.. joking myself with all the other possibilities.

Perhaps nobody would really understand what I'm talking about.
Masyado akong malabo at magulo.
Sorry na lang..

-+reish.201004.

Special Mention<

Happy birthday Richie. (naaalala mo pa kaya ako..? haha..) 10oct.

Happy birthday Dom. 12oct.

Happy birthday Miriel. 14oct.

Happy birthday Krisha. 15oct.

Happy birthday Mics. 17oct.

Happy birthday Keisee. 20oct.

Happy birthday Li! (my dear dear pwend..) 21oct.

Happy birthday Shayne. 23oct.

Happy birthday Isay. 25oct.

Happy birthday Joji. 26oct.

Happy birthday 'ta Es. 31oct.

teka.. may mga nakakalimutan yata ako..

sorry na lang.. di ko na maalala..

sinusubukan ko..

basta,

Happy birthday na rin.

eto pa..

Dude. Happy birthday! (my dear dear ate Cassy..) 9July.

..advanced and belated yan..

yun lang.

period.

-+reish.101704.

Charged>>

Wag na Wag Mong Sasabihin. kitchie nadal
may gusto ka bang sabihin?
ba't di mapakali ni hindi makatingin
sana'y wag mo na tong palampasin at subukan lutasin
sa mga sinasabi mo na
ibang nararapat sa akin na tunay kong mamahalin
*wag na wag mong sasabihin
na hindi mo nadama itong pag.ibig kong handang ibigay
kahit pa kalayaan mo
at sa gabi,
sinong duduyan sa 'yo?
at sa umaga,
hangin na hahaplos sa yo...

Breathe. kitchie Nadal
the world stood still when i first met you
you caught my heart
things are never the same
my senses numb.
the word still reverbs repeatedly in my ear
i want to see you again
*it's hard to breathe ever since then
the coldness sweeps,
warm tears again...
something that you said
i've always cherished within
you took my hand
things were never the same
lying beside yu,
all alone in the room
ALWAYS BEEN SO HAPPY SINCE YOU MENDED MY WOUND

Hmm... a change of music genre? neheh..

I feel so energetic right now.. (yeah.. RUN!! breathe in, breathe out..) haha.. Oh man..

Pero pramis.. ang saya ko.. I don't really understand why but there's this happy feeling in me. I feel so contented. I feel like I want to die now. I can die now. I am weird, most people spend their lives looking for their happiness. While I, just when I feel sooo happy, I think of death. Perhaps this is because I would want to die happy. Totoo lang. :-)

Ang saya.. ang weird..

I need answers. Answers. But nobody could ever really help me with this. I need to know.. what is this?! Man.. it's soo weird.. it confuses me. It can easily drive me nuts. Insane. And totally lose myself. So maybe, I shouldn't think about it anymore. But I really want to know. Help me.. Save me.. Please..

Ako nga 'to.

-+reish.101604.

Addicted.

Set It. kjwan.
softly speak
the answers
seeping into me
enough to lose control
enough to stop the thinking
enough to lose it all
enough for just one meaning
the word that makes me crawl
the vision of your bleeding
did you fall?
did you call
for ME?
Walking slow
beside you
wearing thin in the rain
show me how
to be like you
unafraid
breaking through
it's not too late
tried to find the answer
the answer was in YOU.

adik, pare..

ako yun.

pangit yung term kung iisipin, pero, nakaka-adik talaga eh. hindi ko mapigilan. basket. games. 20 questions. adik ako. i think.

Man.. this is a good day after all. Too bad, we lost. We're not going to the finals.

But the game was okay for me, most especially during the 1st quarter (I was playing then). I had the best rebound yet of my life. Haha.. shucks ang babaw, pero talaga lang.. masaya. And I realized that when you have a strong will, 'mind over matter' really works. I was really having difficulty with my aching right leg. But I was desperate to show the team that, 'hey, I'm a good player, too.. not the best, but good, too. I can help the team. I will help the team.' And I hope that I did.. I really do. I don't even remember feeling pain during the game, unlike the past 3 games. Haha.. I only felt the pain of my leg after the quarter, exactly when I sat down. I wanted to cut my leg then and there!

The game was good. It was okay. Though we lost, and it is disappointing. I remember a moment that i really wanted to let my tears fall.. I saw a teammate crying.. but FYI man, I don't cry.

I don't.

Krishna doesn't cry.

Rei doesn't cry.

Ish does, but not Reish.

..at least not in public. :D (man I'm human, what do you expect?)

Dude.. salamat.

You made me forget the disappointment and pain that I felt. My longing self is satisfied now.. pramis.. sori kung sinabihan kita ng 'shoo'.. I didn't mean it. and I still don't. I never will.

adik nga ako.

at ngayon, kailangan ko nang magresearch.

-+reish.101404.

Tired. Restless. Pained.

Panirang Art... (sinong 07 na nasa Sci stream ang hindi nag.aagree?)

I feel tired. Restless. Pained.

Most probably it's because of the Pisay sports fest this week.. a.k.a. intrams. YEAH!!! Basketball! Woohooh! At least we entered the semi-finals.. though fate didn't give us that chance with soccer. Oh well, at least, for the first time ever, I was able to play soccer - a sport I never thought I'd play. Haha.. I remember laughing at soccer players on tv in the past.. haha.. And the rest of the games? Actually, I don't know what happened to the rest of the matches.. haha.. that's how much I love the team..! lol.

Tuesday, 12oct04 - the intrams DID give me pain. Haha.. muscle pain, most especially. But I guess, somehow, it's all worth it. I even had a fever in the morning (Wednesday) ... I'm glad my parents allowed me to play (how careless parents..! haha.. joke lang..) though of course, they wanted me to make sure first that I can.

And then there's the Art research work. Man it makes me miss first year.. and HSS. How I wish time would stop, slow down, or go back... (or maybe not the latter. It would change everything.)

And then there's the Health take home test. Though actually, it's not really difficult. Haha.. many just blame it for increasing the work that needs to be done.

And of course, joining their line-up, here comes my thoughts in the scene. Man.. some (or most) of them can easily make me go insane, if only I don't control myself. Oh well, my thoughts will always be with be. For the rest of my life. Haha..

But! Let's not forget about the grades.. shucks acads.. After the intrams.. school work shall return. Just thinking about it makes me feel like I'm drowning. Oh man.. Chem! It was easy this quarter. Yet I was stupid enough not to study well for the exams.. and that cost me a lot. (I'm showing my dirty laundry for the world to see.. I can't believe I'm talking about Chem here..) Oh man.. I'm dying.. Disappointment.. Torture.. Stupidity.. Anger at self.. Grr.

See how the past and the future affects the present?

Dude. Dude. Dude.

tout que j'ai voulu dire 鴡it je t'aime et je n'ai pas peur.

S***. only 2 quarters to go.

But I am thankful, still.

Through the Intrams, I made new friends, from other batches. Plus, I learned that my left lower limb is for soccer. It can kick better than my right. (While at basketball, my left hand's kinda dumb.. haha..) I do like soccer! ooh.. new-found love.. haha..

*Kat.> puros terms mo na yata ang ginagamit ko dito.. hehe..

I should, most likely, end this now. My Art research work still needs to be done, and the same goes for my Health test. I also need some sleep. Semi-finals tomorrow.. good luck to us.. haha. :D

I just want to sleep and die.

Or maybe I'll rot like a cabbage then die.

(Whatever happens, I'll still die.. but when, my Lord?)

-+rei.101304.