Bitting me..

People come, and people go.. yet, i hope some people would stay.

Can we not extend the time that's left? Time is running fast. So fast. Too fast. It's getting hard for me to catch up.

(uhh.. sure dude, I won't let what's left drown in the shadows of separation.)

When someone leaves, typically what's left behind to stay with you are memories.. just memories. And memories are virtual (for me). They're in your head, and just there.You can't go back nor go to somewhere anytime you want. Nor would it be so cool to have a chair that can hug you back when you feel torn apart. (it's freaky.)

(how I wish you'd stay longer, dude..)

It's funny how a kid's eyes can dry up so fast. It's funnier how a stubborn kid's eyes can get wet by tears.

I'm just a kid. I don't want to grow up - maybe at least not yet. I'm not ready. Being a kid is just so.. uh.. happy. But time, (oohh.. time again.. urgh..) forces me (or us) to grow up. Think. Live on your own. Set your own limits. Make decisions and be responsible for them. Fight your own battles. Stand on your own feet. If nobody's there to be with you, you'd have to survive alone.

Yeah, reality bites.. and so does time.

Trials. Challenges. Obstacles. Walls. Go through them all and you win.

(you will win 100 points! get 1000 bonus points if you get to kill the purple dinosaur! name? barney.)

Can you?

Lies. Tricks. Illusions. Where is reality?

I'm just a kid. I don't want to grow up yet. I'm not ready. I am immature. stubborn. afraid. unprepared. undecided. selfish. wake me up, dear reality.

red clouds and lightning.. ignite my senses, my soul, my mind.

-+rei.092604.

Chemical X.

This is not good.. I think I have sprained my right upper limb.. from my hand to my elbow.. It hurts. How can I play basketball with a sprained arm.?

Haha.. Uhh.. too bad..

There simply are one.way roads that someone may pass along the journey. One.way roads.. you just can't go back the way you came in.

Solution.? Look for a U-turn slot somewhere.. then go back through another road. Hard-to-find U-turn slots for intricate roads.

What if you're not good at driving.? How would you make the turn.? Will you cause traffic.? An accident.? Or would you rather go on and skip the stressful turn.?

What if the road that you chose leads to a dead end.? What'll happen next.?

Confidence is needed.. and everybody can learn how to drive well.

Love, it is nothing that's impossible to exist. If it's there, it's there. If you feel it, you feel it. And feelings, they don't exist because you want them to, they exist because they just do.

Any selfish (hidden or not) motives at any corner.? Think about it. Deep.

Things don't happen because you want them to.

Why do people keep on disowning themselves.? Why can't we just accept what reality contains.? Why is it that some people choose to live within the walls of lies and illusions.?

All of my everything.. what are they for.? Where will they lead me.?

All this pain and suffocation.. why are we supposed to feel stuff.? Mixed up thoughts.

Would it really matter if something appears to be right or wrong.? How would you know if it is such.?

Is it just to say 'majority wins'.?

Today, I would want to say sorry for the walls, tables, chairs and other properties that I have vandalized in the past. (Yes, I admit it.)

Haha.. what has gotten into me.??

I realized that as humans, our imperfections include the sudden loss of respect moments in our daily lives. We (at least from my view) lose our respect to others, to their efforts, labor and sacrifice, thus, isn't this humiliation to human kind.? It's a shame that our nature includes that character. We lower ourselves down.

Vandalizing can be a way of self-expression to some (that list includes me ;P) but to the real owners of the vandalized thing, it's disrespect. Conscience.. it's getting to me.. haha..

So from this moment on, I swear to TRY to resist the temptations of vandalizing another property that does not fully belong to me. I will TRY not to use very clean (no vandal. type) desks so as to resist temptation more. :-)

Haha.. :-) Is this ME.?

Red clouds and lightning. Ignite my senses, my soul, my spirit, my mind.

-+rei.091004.

This blog sucks.

I really hate this dimension.

It's so disappointing and vim.lowering..

If there wasn't any lightning right now, I would have found myself bursting in tears.

Haha.. It's funny to think that it's only lightning that keeps me smiling right now. Haha..

I feel so bad.

So disappointed with myself..

I am such a hypocrite. I try to hide myself, but I just can't.

I keep on disowning myself.

I feel trapped within the walls of disappointment and humiliation.

F*cking confusion.

I try to find the main cause, but everything's just to blurred for me to handle.

I can cry now, but I don't.

I feel so heavy.

Let me go.. Let me go.

Inside I know I'm bleeding.

Struggling hard to breathe.

I try to cover myself with all the defences that I have, but still, I'm too weak.

I am so disappointed.

I feel like I have been so immature lately. It's senseless.

All I am, is nothing but a wreck.

I feel so tired with this, but there's nothing I can do; I can't just let go of this pain without solving it.

I need answers.

My head hurts.

Haha..

It's wrong. So wrong. I am wrong.

F*cking mistakes.

I feel like I'll go to hell. Haha.. (uh.. why.?)

I feel torment.

I can't even gather senseful thoughts.

It's disappointing.

I can't breathe.

I need answers.

Haha.. I need a hug.

This blog is so stupid. It's senseless.

Haha..

Nobody cares.. Haha.. Let's keep it that way..

I feel so damned. :((

-+rei.090504.

Lyrics Today.

WARNING: some lines exaggerate everything. ^^

My sacrifice

Hello my friend we meet again

It’s been a while where should we begin…feels like forever

Within my heart are memories

Of perfect love that you gave to me

I remember
When you are with me

I’m free…I’m careless…I believe

Above all the others we’ll fly

This brings tears to my eyes

My sacrifice
We’ve seen our share of ups and downs

Oh how quickly life can turn around in an instant

It feels so good to reunite

Within yourself and within your mind

Let’s find peace there
When you are with me

I’m free…I’m careless…I believe

Above all the others we’ll fly

This brings tears to my eyes

My sacrifice
I just want to say hello again

All the Things she said

All the things she said

All the things she said

Running through my head

Running through m head

All the things she said

All the things she said

Running through my head

Running through my head

This is not enough I'm in serious s***,

I feel totally lost

If I'm asking for help it's only because

Being with you has opened my eyes

Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?

I keep asking myself, wondering how

I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out

Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me

Nobody else so we can be free

All the things she said

All the things she said

Running through my head

Running through my head

All the things she said

All the things she said

Running through my head

Running through my head

This is not enough

This is not enough

All the things she said

All the things she said

And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed

They say it's my fault but I want her so much

Wanna fly her away where the sun and rain

Come in over my face, wash away all the shame

When they stop and stare - don't worry me

Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me

I can try to pretend, I can try to forget

But it's driving me mad, going out of my head

Mother looking at me

Tell me what do you see?

Yes, I've lost my mind

Daddy looking at me

Will I ever be free?

Have I crossed the line?

*.* I don't feel so good..

-+rei.090204.

Selfish.

Right now,

in my mind,

I'm singing.

Singing this song.. your favorite song.. Time Stands Still..

I have you in my mind. Stuck there, just there.

Yesterday I felt really good. So good. Ever just so good. Happy. So happy. (ok.. you get the picture.)

Though yesterday, I know that I was so quiet. Quiet there with you. I was supposed to tell you everything that I needed to.

But instead, you did. And I'm just glad that you got what I was trying hard to say even without acctually saying it.

You made things a lot easier to handle.

I don't know what to do.

Everything's just getting blurred and blurred now.

More and more.

Each passing second that I think about it.

I need to do a hell lot more thinking.

Create more mature decisions. Unbiased ones. With an open mind.

Not being selfish. Just facing what is within reality. No illusions.

I know the truth hurts.

And reality really bites.

"I tried to forget that I'm addicted to you. And I want it, and I need it. I'm addicted to you.."

What would be worth more of your time, attention and thinking,

the cheerful thinking,

or the hurtful future of the same road.?

I am selfish.

I try so hard to contradict what others say just to prove or show that I have a greater point.

..Or is it just that I want a lot of questions to be answered?

I want to feel contented.

I want to feel real.

I need to remember that the world's just too wide to be mine and mine alone.

I'm no god.

I am not the best; I am not perfect.

Haha..

I am not the main character of every book.

I am too selfish.

I need to wake up. Wake me up, dear reality.

-+rei.090104.

Happy. Period.

i feel happy today.

Happy.

Happy.

Happy.

:-)

2519190103.052001.<< salamat. sobra.

Which would be worth more of your time and thoughts.. that cheerful present, or that hurtful future.?

-+reish.083104.