Feeling and Opinion. (nothing too personal,,)

Right now, I feel so (somewhat) happy within me. haha..

I'm not alone.

I'm not alone.

I'm not alone.

^^ told me that.

^^ told me that.

Woah.. ^^ is getting much into me..

This is not good.

...or maybe, it's too good to be true.

You're not running away.. You're not running away.. I feel so good.

I feel good...

(blah blah blah.. i forgot the lyrics..)

I feel good. (or was it right..?)

(blah blah blah something something again..)

So good!

So good!

(i hope..) I got you!!

haha..

Thanks, dude.^^

Oh me oh my... INFORMATION CRISIS!!

I blame the past three days of class suspension. Stupid storm.

haha.. >.<

I still can't believe we need to wear some 80's clothing for the Humanities Week at school. Hmm... I wonder... How am I suppossed to look like? haha..

Real and virtual

Reality is still so much better than virtual hugs. >:D<

Music.

Rock music is so much better than rap. Soooo much better.

Athens 2004 Summer Oplympics - Taekwondo

I think that Antoinette Rivero from the Philippines (women's 67kg category) had points that were not counted during her fight with Elisavet Mystakidou from Greece. Mystakidou fell for a hell lot of times there. We could have advanced to the finals. Were the judges blind or what? Those uncounted points were obvious. Bias. Bias. Bias.

Same thing with Geisler, (RP - men's 80kg category) during his fight with Tanrikulu from Turkey.

They did well.

(I wasn't able to watch the other games today.)

*cough cough* judges *cough*

Haha... Hey, just opinions here, nothing too personal...

*cough* still blame judges *cough cough*

Haha..

Peace out.

I feel good!^^

-+rei.082804.

Mushy but true.

I think I'm losing my strength again

What you're doing signals me to beware

It's getting too risky

I don't think I'm ready to lose

I'm too weak

I'm not ready to lose you

I'm so not ready

I have gathered up my defences

But infront ofyou

I am nothing but bare and weak

I have revealed myself far enough

I know you know it.

I'm turning back,

Or simply pausing right here

It's too risky for me

I just can't lose you

You're far too important

I'll take all the torment

Throw me the rocks

I'll carry them all

Just stay beside me;

I'll be fine

You're all I need

You are my strength

And losing you

Would be losing all I have.

I only have myself to blame.

Woah... I'm getting mushier and mushier.

Eck.

More or less, I have been exaggerating things a bit.

Haha.. I am so much in a blurred dimension.

I only have myself to blame.

I am bleeding alone.

I only have myself to blame.

(For the third time, dude..!)

^^

Converging with Ish..

+-reish.082704.

Selfishness and You. In My Head.

Just today, I earned the courage to do what I have to do to let go of this torment within me. But I guess the weather and timing do not agree with my decision. Like yesterday, classes are suspended due to heavy rains... damn storm. Haha..
So I guess I'll just have to wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
But I guess, I'm glad beneath all these opportunities that were cut short. I had time to realize some things, like I am selfish.
Selfish.
Selfish.
Selfish.
Not that I am like this all the time, but I took notice that I really am human, that sometimes, deep within me, even without my full notice, I see the world as something that revolves around me, though I know that it can go on without me.. Because it is biased and I still stand alone even if I feel that it does revolve around me, which is a great illusion. And that is why I am selfish.
I have reasons for things that lead to me that as if I am the main character, even if I'm not. I'm just too selfish. I need to defeat this selfishness before it defeats me.
I learned that there are far more important reasons in this damn world that just a selfish '...because I don't want to be alone.’
Haha.. I am such a dreamer. For a hell lot of reasons.
I am foolish and uncertain. I think I deserve this torment.
And my greatest torment right now is the thought that this happy feeling within me will soon perish; I don't want ^^ to go.. Yet ^^ should, which is something that I should understand.
Oh well, take care, dude. If you need someone to hold on to, you know how to reach me. And I'll always be here for you. Nothing more but thanks and thanks again.


"Hinahanap-hanap Kita"

'adik sa 'yo'
awit sa akin
nilang sawa na sa ‘king mga kuwentong marathon
tungkol sa 'yo
at sa ligayang
iyong hatid sa aking buhay
tuloy ang bida sa isipan ko'y ikaw
~
sa umaga't sa gabi
sa bawa't minutong lumilipas
hinahanap-hanap kita
hinahanap-hanap kita
sa isip at panaginip
bawa't pagpihit ng tadhana
hinahanap-hanap kita
~
sabik sa 'yo
kahit maghapon
na tayong magkasama parang telesine
(haha.. not applicable..)
ang ating ending
hatid sa bahay n'yo
sabay goodnight,
sabay may kiss
sabay bye-bye
~
sa umaga't sa gabi
sa bawa't minutong lumilipas
hinahanap-hanap kita
hinahanap-hanap kita
sa isip at panaginip
bawa't pagpihit ng tadhana
hinahanap-hanap kita
~
sa school sa flag ceremony
hanggang uwian araw-araw
hinahanap-hanap kita
hinahanap-hanap kita
(haha.. not applicable..)
at kahit na magka-anak kayo't
magkatuluyan balang araw
hahanap-hanapin ka
hahanap-hanapin ka

2519190103.052001<<>
-+rei.082604

It's so unclear.

Should I believe that distance is a great factor in the relationship between two people..? Mind you, I'm talking about friends.

^^But on one side, there's something more. I don't think this is wrong but I don't believe that this is right... I'm confused. ^^ haha dude..

I hope to have better luck next time... IF there'll be a next time..

Did I lose..? NO!!! It's not over yet, right..?

I need to poke someone... *tsk tsk*

"Time Stands Still"

Him and her

Life is turned.

The day I knew you would leave

I can barely breathe

Can you hear me scream?

Thrown in all directions

Epitome of perfection

She's lost her will, (she's lost her will)

Time is standing still

He walks her home

Now he walks alone

The days they turn into years

The eyes they drown in tears

Can you hear me scream?

The way we are, the way we were

(It's just a shadow of what's wrong)

The time with you when time is stirred

(I've loved you for so long)

The hearts they turn, they turn away

(She says to go please don't you cry)

Love lost was found, night turns to day

Thrown in all directions

Epitome of perfection

She's lost her will, (she's lost her will)

Time is standing still

Time is standing still.

...reminds me of *******r*... haha. ^^

Sorry for being unclear. (That's TOO unclear...)I still don't think that this is wrong, yet I can't believe it's right. ^^

Poke, dude.

-+rei.082604.

words of anger.

Words of anger
Words of fear
Mixed emotions
Whirling I hear
The damned and the cursed,
The lonely and alone,
Together in the darkness
Yet all on their own.
Fire and tears exist here
Untangled lies collide
The captivated cries at night
But still, we try to hide.
Embrace me,
Loathe me,

Curse me and damn
Reveal the endangered freedom
You don’t really know who I am.

i'm not really angry at the moment, but i can really feel the emotion of the poem. :-)

-+rei.082304.

why..?

There are simply just some instances when you can’t specify the core of a problem – so you can’t fix it. More often than not, people want to solve things for, or with, you. Maybe they care for you or something. This happens most especially when that person is your relative. But the thing is, why won’t they simply leave you alone..? You are an individual, too. Not just a simple family member, or friend, or classmate, or student.
I wonder… how come some people seem to worry about your ‘problems’ more than you do..?
Woah… now I can truly say that I am very ungrateful.

Traumatized.
Take this grade as it is.

Could it be any harder..?
To watch me fail
And turn out blue..
Could it be any harder..?
To watch me fall,
This can’t be true..

If I only had 1.0 for a grade…

-+ rei.082304.

**********d.

i really feel so crappy lately..

*haha.. is that what this blog is for?*

everything's been questionable and blurred for me lately.

i'm questioning a lot about my religion..

about things that i feel..

things that i do and need to do..

everything's weird.

yet,, i continue walking along this road.

it's a biased world. it's a stand alone system. even if there are those who will stand beside you no matter what,, there will always be inevitable battles that are too personal, and no matter how others struggle to for you, you'll have to battle some things out alone.

all alone.

i wish to understand more.

i don't want to try hiding myself again. i don't want to.. i can't.

i need to earn my own defences. i simply can't continue walking along this road all bare and weak.

*am i making things sound serious..? :P*

'...suffocated i am.. **********d.. i am dying, i am dead.. i am alive, i'm so alive.. swear i knew it all along.. and i am pained, but i'm healing up so well...'

-+ rei.082304.

i should, but i don't.

this sucks.
right now, i should be doing some school work (my part on our physics report, my geometry project, geometry homework, chemistry exercises..) but here i am, trying to organize this blog.
i don't even know exactly why i did this.
but hey, i have my excuse... i only went home last night from a (somewhat) tiring (yet fun and memorable) trip. i, along with other girls, were invited to this overnight trip to tagatay.
it was fun.
from tanglaw (they came up with this), we went to east avenue and had an outreach activity in the hospital. i don't know, but, for me, if i was in a hospital for just a couple of days, i wouldn't want strangers to come to me and try to comfort me with the pity that they feel for sick and hospitalized people. though, some may really feel that they want to help.. but out of what..? i realized that i don't like outreach programs like these very much when i tried to see myself in anthony's (the guy i was able to talk to there) shoes. but i think hospitalized people will appreciate it more if they had like, this damn disease and are desperate for refuge.
...or maybe i need to cut that topic before some 'charitable' people start attacking me.

but hey, this IS a blog - my blog - so why stop it there?
..haha..
never mind..
..anyway, so after the outreach activity, we started the real trip to tagaytay... we stopped over at a gas station along the way, one that has a McDonald's with it. a friend of mine, her name is Cassandra , got a hat (it looked like a party hat..) of a McDo crew person for free... now i have it. (but not really, since i'll be giving that back to her..) then we arrived at tagaytay, and stayed at a house there that has a cool attic (haha.. in my opinion..) i slept at around 2:30 in the morning, unlike the others who, i think, slept at around 12 or 1 a.m... ate Cassy and I spent the whole time trying to fall asleep, talking about weird stuff (like the DNA of man and orangutans and grass and how they are alike.. haha.. long story.).. it was fun, dude. in the morning we made our (delightful.) breakfast, planted some trees at mendez (what an experience..), went back to the house for lunch, then went to a clubhouse to play some sports... there, it was a mess. i planned to play basketball, with ate Cassy, but we can't find the court in that damn clubhouse, so we played badminton instead (i'd never want to play volleyball ever..). the whole thing was fun, crazy and enjoyable though. ...we took pictures then went home..

i wish i'd be a hell lot better than myself at present, but i'm not. everything's whirling and turning and is blurred. i need refuge, but i'm not desperate so i don't really search for it.

i hate cramming, yet i am stupid enough to cram - again.

i need to do a bunch of stuff (including eating dinner) right now, but i'm still doing this blog thing. man, it sucks.

i feel
damned.
i feel
short.
(...but not with *i* ******* around. haha! i am so bad..)
i feel
dead.
(ate Cassy..)
i feel like sleeping,
but i can't..
..and i shouldn't.

why is it bad to do or feel something 'illegal' in your religion.. so bad that you should really consider stopping it for good.. yeah, yeah, because it's 'illegal'. but.. another reason please.. and would it still be 'illegal' outside your religion? if could still prevent it from 'solidizing' within you, should you? ..just bacause it's 'illegal'..?
should it hurt if someone that you (are uncertain if you really) like will be going away.. far away.. soon.. and you can't stop that.. but you're still uncertain about that.. and for what reason..? because you're friends? or because you're close to each other and you feel comfortable with that person..? or because there's something more on your side..?
i am so
blurred

(myself)
uncertain
undecided
unclear
...
it sucks.

Is there really something beyond all of these..?
-+ rei.082204.

1.

okay..
so this blog of mine is officially existent.
whirling..
turning..
blurred..
everything seems to be this way, in a way.

-+ rei.082204.