bonding with blog

i've been sitting here, infront of this computer for about seven hours now.. i went online at around seve, after eating when we arrived.. and now it's almost 2am and i guess i feel like im stuck to this comp.. i somehow feel stressed and i think that i would still be by tomorrow (teach catechism to kids in the morning, etc.) but nonetheless, i am still here. typing this entry. waha. how fun.

if i wont feel seriously sleepiy in a few minutes, i would most likely create another blog layout, and encode it. (i practically make a layout every other, or after two days, but i do not encode them; they remain stagnantly kept on paper. ) i realized though, this current layout sucks. most likely because most of the stuff that i mixed with this blog's original template from blogger didn't work. sucks. now it somehow still looks like the original template, if not because of the background. sheesh. poor kid.

but.. enks. next time na lang. pahinga na. maaga pa catechism with kids bukas e. i abandoned them last week :P evil catechist.. i spent the whole saturday last week on my personal interest and need :P hehe.

i hope that at least most of the parts of this blog is readable >_<

-+reish.23july05.

purple.

ohman. the whole of my template/layout/whatever isnt working too well.. aww. :( but sheesh.. it's already 12.30 in the morning so perhaps i'd be going to bed in a while (or probably eat my dinner-slash-midnight-snack) so i'll stop this blog-look-editting stuff :P waha..

if you can't see all the text that you think are present here due to the colors.. im so sorry.
gomen.
i'm going to fix that.. perhaps tomorrow or next week ;-)

masochist who's tired of pain.
-+reish.23july05.

never satisfied

i can't seem to be able to access my tabulas xyz from this comp.. i cant seem to access any of the tabulas blogs that i know about.. i cant access tabulas at all! >_<

hai.

i still have a bunch of school work to do, yet here i am, blogging. again.

as usual.

i dont know i somewhat feel awfully tired. it seems like i dont want to do anything.. except for thinking of stuff that could happen.. thinking of the sentimental stuff that i usually think of.

so.. am i ruinning my own life?

shyet. i miss the smilies.

anyway.

i realized that yes, perhaps i shall never find true happiness on earth. for if that is possible.. why am i still unsatisfied of the way that things are? why do i hunger, why do i thirst for something that could be a whole lot better? why is it that in me, in the deepest recesses of my mind, i seem to feel this emptiness.. this never-ending loneliness and deppression?

why?

cant anybody save me?

i cant find the answers in myself.. or at least that's the way things are right now.

or perhaps, i have found the answers to my questions.. yet it seems like these aren't the ones that i was expecting to get.. that these aren't the ones that i want to do.. i want something else.. but IS THERE 'something else'?

"sadness is the product of selfishness" -J.Escriva, Friends of God

i still am, one little selfish kid.

-+reish.10july05.

*

babay na naman.

hindi na natapos ang pagpapaalam. hai.

minsan lang ako hihingi ng kapalit.. eto na siguro yun..

sana alam mong masakit yun para sa kin.. sobra.. //my sacrifice// sana naman.. gawin mo..

hindi ko naman kasi gustong gumawa ng kahit anong desisyon para kahit kanino.. at lalong hindi para sa yo.. ako kasi mismo, ayokong iba ang gagawa ng desisyon para sakin.. may exceptions dun though.. pero bakit kinailangang tanungin mo kung anong gusto ko?

hindi ko alam.

hindi ko alam. >_<

hindi mo kelangan gawin ang mga sinasabi ko..

hindi talaga.

pero sabihin mo naman sana kung anong gagawin mo.. wala lang. gusto ko lang malaman. pero kung ayaw mo.. e di wag.. ayokong mamilit.

hindi ako magaling sa paggawa ng mga desisyon e.

-+reish.03july05.